A Letter to the Yankees Front Office

To whom it may concern,

I know you’re just starting the off-season, so I won’t waste your time. But, I have a couple of things I’d like to discuss.

First and foremost, please drop your personal appearance policy. I know you’ve heard this complaint for years, but I think now is the time to act. Here is a suggested update:

“All players, coaches and male executives are forbidden allowed to display any facial hair other than mustaches (except for religious reasons), and scalp hair may not be grown below the collar. Long sideburns and ‘mutton chops’ are not specifically banned.

Any policy that contains ‘mutton chops’ is clearly in need of review and updating.

In the spirit of progress, I think this update should be considered. The game is changing and it’s time for your franchise to catch up. Let the players sport a beard, or long hair. In terms of clubhouse culture, it’s an easy change to make and has the ability to improve the overall morale of the team. My company recently changed its dress code to allow employees to wear jeans and it has made a positive impact on the company’s morale and culture.

Remember when Don Mattingly became manager of the Miami Marlins and tried to institute a similar policy, but abandoned it the following year because it was a “pain in the ass” to enforce? And this is a guy who hated your policy as a player. And he tried it anyway. And he hated it. 

This leads to my next point: Please sign Bryce Harper.

I don’t know him personally, but I’m not sure he’s the kind of guy who would be willing to comply with your current appearance policy. If you decide to sign him, I see this playing out two ways:

#1 The appearance policy is dropped or relaxed prior to him signing. This is done either by choice, or request from Harper and his agent, Scott Boras.

#2 You do not change the policy and Harper openly defies it.

Remember in 1985 when NBA commissioner David Stern said Michael Jordan couldn’t wear his Nike Air Jordans? And the NBA fined him $5,000 for every game he wore them? And Nike paid those fines because they were making money hand over fist selling his shoes? You have to think Blind Barber or whichever prospective hair care company that would sponsor Harper would be willing to do the same. It would not only shed more light on your outdated policy (unfortunate for you), but would be a huge marketing boon for whatever company is bold enough to do it.

I know you’re already chock full of outfielders and I’m not into the “Move Bryce to first base” crowd, but I think it would be great for baseball’s most brazen player to go after the most arcane policy on the greatest franchise in professional baseball.

If you would like to discuss this further, please feel free to reach out to me.


Chris Shorts